Coming home from work around 6 PM when he unlocked the main door of his house. First thing he glanced at was a huge pile of unfolded clothes on the sofa, cups and plates lying on the table with some leftover food and a little spill, moving ahead he peeked inside the kitchen where too many dirty dishes were piled in the sink and in front of it was a perfectly cluttered kitchen counter. He shook his head and went straight up his bedroom which was a total disaster, there, he saw his wife all dressed up nice and clean smiling at him with his baby in her arms or may be playing along with her toddlers.
What do you think will be the reaction of this guy?
Okay hang on, let’s rewind this scene.
Now this man enters his house where living room, kitchen and every corner of his house is sparkling clean (which he obviously doesn’t notice) upon entering his bedroom he sees his wife with a messy hair bun, pajamas that she has been wearing for the past 3 days, bags under her eyes and one screaming baby in her arms.
Wait! how about two such babies?
Now what do you think? In which condition will this guy be happier? yes, you’re right, none! Because the definition of a Perfect Housewife is someone who looks good, works flawlessly, and handle kids ideally ALL THE TIME which is not portrayed in any of the above scenarios.
Life of a stay at home mom is no joke because there is no life of a stay at home mom cause melodramatically she is constantly on a run to serve others. She has to take care of her house, her husband and her kids single-handedly and in this run, the one she often neglects is her own self. Life of a man is also affected after getting married or having kids but for a woman the impact is huge. For instance her body changes, her mind changes (mostly becomes forgetful), her simple activities like hanging out with friends, longer phone calls, hitting gym, doing makeup, watching movies, eating warm food, solo peaceful bathroom trips, and sleep becomes like vivid dreams and then people, even those who have witnessed a similar phase in their life starts to judge women as a good wife or mother with handiness but at least us women try to cover up in front of such people (mostly relatives) only our husbands get to see the reality with us.
Life of a stay-at-home mother is tiring and messy simultaneously and the only energizing and relaxing thing about this life is your kid’s heart healing smile, Gosh! nobody would have loved babies if they weren’t able to flash that cute smile.
Oh okay, I think I got carried away, but hey! here in no way I am discrediting life as a stay at home mum but right now I am just talking about problems associated. So, I was about to talk about the bitter part of this scenario, “Insensitive Husbands” there are too many women who are blessed with such husbands (pun intended) so such insensitive husbands don’t want their routines to be disturbed even when our world is turned upside down, even when they understand sometimes they don’t really understand. Like on weekends when they want to enjoy your company while watching a movie during which mothers are cradling and feeding their baby along, they want their dinner to be served right on time!
But even that’s not an issue, the real issue comes up when seeing women stuck in their miserable routine, husbands start eyeing other women, yes! it does happen when expectations of some men are not fulfilled they start seeing other women and no woman in any circumstance would want to let her beloved husband go after another woman. From here on those feelings of self-doubt and failure arises in housewives, but the thing to remember is they are not failures, they never were, it is just the hardest thing to deal with but just like every other chore of the house they got this!
Mothers brought life into this world nothing could be hard for them then, but we too just need to buckle up, make our mind and shouldn’t let this nightmare come to life.
Gear up messy mamas, I am highlighting some points to avoid any such heartbreaking situations:
First thing first, stack up your energy. Have all those nutritional supplements your doctor prescribed along with healthy meals to get your brain start functioning efficiently.
Find Time for Essentials
Try to stay clean and smell nice, makeup is not necessary, I understand the love of messy buns and pyjamas but some other nice clothes and properly brushed hairs look really great.
Help yourself when you got a lot to deal with by hiring some house help when needed, there is really no point in tiring ourselves expecting any kind of compliment over managing everything on our own but yes so much of criticism will be there if things will be a little mismanaged at the end.
Establish a Routine
Don’t lose yourself in the process try to establish a routine, once someone starts getting at least a 6-hour sleep they should start waking up early, find time to exercise, eat healthy, feel good about their self, take a nap in the afternoon and things will start falling into its places.
Prioritize chores, not everything at home needs to be cleaned regularly, select days for the chores respectively like Sunday is the laundry day, Monday is the cooking day when you will cook 3-4 dishes and freeze for next 3-4 days and likewise. Decide chores that need to be done regularly like taking out the trash, doing the dishes, putting everything in its place, taking care of yourself and your kids.
Stop Wasting Potential Time
Wait, confess! somehow us mommies have been managing to waste our precious time swiping down the screen viewing useless posts i.e using social media too much, do you know two of the biggest time-suckers known in human history? one is babies and the other one is smartphone, congratulations on getting these both and now we wonder why we don’t get any time for our self, that’s never gonna spare any time for us we need to limit dealing with at least one of them so we better limit our smartphone usage like to reply texts and attend phone calls only, I know its the only activity for us busy mamas but hey, just give it a try you will be better off without it.
Boost your Relationship
Take out some time specially to spend with your husbands to help them remember the love and warmth of this relationship all the time give him the attention he wants because there are so many potential ‘options’ around him all the time that we remain totally unaware of. Boost your relationship by nurturing its demands respectively.
God has designed Mothers like they are natural multitasker, they should know that they got it all, with all the challenges and hardships they still can do it and trust me when i say this only and only a woman is able to do so, no man can beat a woman at this. No man can take care of the house like a woman, no man can manage chores like a woman and absolutely no man can handle kids (without using any gadget) like a woman does. She is naturally a pro at this.
So, don’t misinterpret a stay-at-home mom, she is not living an easy life, don’t hesitate to offer her a helping hand whenever you can and give her all the love and respect she actually deserves.
Now to all the men reading this, remember she is your better half, help her, tap her shoulder, she is going through a lot she needs your love and constant support. Be nice to her, if you can’t make it any easier, don’t make it more difficult for her because in the end, only a husband and wife can help each other to create a fairy or a fiery tale of their life which ultimately becomes the background story of your kids, so make your choice wisely. Love and peace to all.
Faiza Ahmed is an Insightful person, who forgets every little thing but remember details of centuries old incidents, careless, clumsy but a mindful life-liver, wants to make life simpler and understandable. Enough talking- I need a nap now.